Starting out …

So ... why a personal blog on a business page ?

A few reasons

• it puts a person behind the tech - and may explain why I'm taking such a leap of faith to try and change the experience of people with ADHD. Very aspirational of me - and I'm not sure it'll pay the mortgage, but having experienced this journey first hand, maybe those experiences will resonate with someone who needs to hear they aren't alone

• Writing helps people with ADHD - it's a good outlet to express your feelings and experiences and make sense of them (although we constantly go back and edit as we never feel our musings are good enough for public consumption first time )

• Because 90% of what we're doing in the ADHD space is about awareness - and blogging is one way of raising awarenes and giving people the insight into the mind of a high functioning ADHDer

• ADHD is a hugely complex condition. Depending on which article you read there are between 3 and 57 sub types. Presentation is unique, and high functioning ADHD isn't often discussed. You will have someone in your life - either work or personal life - who is ADHD and either you or they don't know it. Recognising they may have the condition helps create an environment which supports them

Introductions

So, here I am in my early 50's, starting out as self employed at a time when maybe I should be thinking about winding down (note to the reader - the ADHDer NEVER winds down)

I had what you'd consider a fortunate upbringing - the second child of middle class professionals, bright, driven, capable and independent. Oh so very independent - from the moment I could walk i was determined to walk my own path.

I did well in education - aced my GCSEs, did ok in my A levels, and a few years later did a part time degree course achieving a 2:1. I later went on to do my MCIPS.

I had a pretty tough adolescence and was always considered the more difficult one of the two. This was blamed on a few formative experiences just as I hit my teens - but despite coming from a medical family, ADHD was never considered. This was mainly due to lack of awarensss of ADHD presentation - particularly in girls - looking back, with what we know now - I was absolutely typical of ADHD in high functioning females.

I have done extremely well in my career (but you know what - it was always harder than it felt it should have been) and despite being completely incapable of holding down a relationship long term, have raised 2 incredible children on my own.

I was diagnosed with ADHD a few years ago (more on that shortly) and whilst it made an awful lot of my past make sense, having a diagnosis does not bring any cure, any help, or any way to make life easier. When I informed my employer of this disability - the response was "oh right". Had I lost an arm, I think there may have been a lot more interest in ways they could support me, which brings us back to what 3nd ADHD is here to do.

My route to diagnosis

Prior to 2019 my understanding of ADHD was small boys bouncing off the walls. Similar to most people's understanding. My journey to enlightenment came when my younger son broached the subject with me - his belief was that he was ADHD

He's always been quirky. In a wonderful way. Many of his quirks were incredibly familiar to me and whenever anyone in the family spoke with concern about these quirks I'd laugh it off and say I was exactly the same at his age (⛳️). And like me, he struggled with introversion, anxiety, confidence, sleep, and an inability to commit to anything for more than 5 minutes due to a low boredom threshold

So when he came to me to talk about it I looked at this shy, insecure, introverted, rather unhappy boy and thought there was no way he could possibly be ADHD. But if he had the self awareness and emotional intelligence to have come up with this seemingly out of nowhere, I owed it to him to take it seriously.

So I researched, and researched. And my eyes were opened to all the different presentations of this condition. And I cried - because I felt I was reading not only his life story, but mine as well. Everything made sense - why life had always felt more difficult than it should, why I felt disconnected from other people, why I struggled to finish anything once the initial buzz had waned. And then I felt tremendous guilt at having not spotted this in him - at 13, his life had already been tough for a few years because I hadn't realised there was anything "wrong".

His assessment was done through a private psychiatrist. (Where children are concerned i would implore you to get a full neuro assessment, and to use a multi disciplinary team rather than one of the online ADHD assessment companies) At that appointment the psych did raise the issue of genetics, that it runs in families, that both parents and any siblings should be assessed. I was ahead of him there - it was pretty obvious that he and I had the same traits.

So I booked assessments for myself and his brother, and we scored an impressive 100% on the "who in your house has a neurodevelopmental problem" quiz

In old money - the younger and I are ADD, the eldest definitely has the "H" nailed. In modern terms we are all combined inattentive, with my eldest having stronger tendancy towards hyperactivity

So I'm diagnosed - now what ?

There is huge focus on getting a diagnosis and little thought as to what comes after that. I'm not sure what I was expecting but the "now what" came as a huge anticlimax. Sure - I had a reason for why some stuff just never made sense. I had a label, an "official" disability, and I had a prescription for meds for which the side effects are pretty awful. But nothing changed. You don't get to pop a pill and suddenly feel normal. There is no magic cure, there is no support, all you get is better understanding of yourself and your past. You can't fix your brain wiring, all you can do is recognise it, and find ways to work with it, rather than fight it by trying to force yourself to think and act like neurotypical people.

Life carries on much as it has done before - just with a bit more enlightenment

The rising numbers of ADHD diagnoses

It does feel sometimes like there is an ADHD epidemic - every week another celebrity, friend, colleague will say they believe they are ADHD. Go onto social media and it's become a badge

of honour, the latest "must have" condition.

There is actually no real increase in the number of people who have ADHD - it's not believed to be environmental - you're born with it rather than "catch it". But there has been a massive amount of research into the different presentations, and raising of awareness - as such most of the apparent rise in numbers are in adults who fell through the net as kids. And most of them are women as back in our youth, ADHD was thought to be a problem affecting boys almost exclusively. That awareness is a great thing as there are ways to manage life better if you realise you are ADHD

But there are also dangers of the rising awareness, which are two fold.

Firstly everyone now thinks they are ADHD (anything that's a spectrum means everyone is somewhere on that spectrum - severity and impact will lead to diagnosis or otherwise) - which serves to mainstream ADHD sufferers when they most definitely should not be mainstreamed.

The other aspect is the almost entirely positive, almost trivial, way it's portrayed on social media. The number of Instagram reels of some pretty young thing in a spotless apartment talking about the struggle of ADHD being her inability to stop daydreaming, or leaving a coffee cup by her bed, is staggering. That trivialisation can lead the neurotypical to believe that someone with ADHD can operate perfectly well In the world if you give them the occasional poke. A bit like believing that if you just put a lift in a building, you've achieved wheelchair friendly status

I see countless posts about the positive aspects of ADHD - and there are indeed many incredible characteristics - drive, passion, hyperfocus, creativity, problem solving to name but a few. But along with those awesome aspects comes a very dark side. Crippling self esteem issues, chronic over thinking, anxiety, never feeling like you are good enough, imposter syndrome levels of self doubt, executive dysfunction, task paralysis, disorganisation, time management issues, and complete overwhelming mental exhaustion at times.

Whilst positive conversations about a disability are really important to reduce stigma - if we don't ever talk about the disabiling aspects, we will never achieve enablement

So that's what this blog is here for - to bring a more personal colour to the topic from someone who's always been ADHD but never knew it - to talk about what's amazing about ADHD, but also what's hard - really hard, and how we can make life not so difficult because we will all benefit - whether we are ADHD ourselves, we know or love someone who is, or employ / are employed by an ADHDer